How To Flirt
Advice For Women
By Genie Joseph, PhD

Women are born to flirt. Appropriate flirting makes both parties feel good about each other and about life. Appropriate flirting brings more joy and playfulness into any situation. Not all flirting is sexual.Healthy flirting is a form of play that wakes up your partner’s enthusiasm.

Flirting is an art. It is the acknowledgement and appreciation of each other as sensual beings. It is an awareness and positive reinforcement of each other. It brings light and joy into the world. That is, if it is appropriate.  Appropriate means that it is appreciated by the receiver, and that it doesn’t hurt anybody’s feelings or violate any boundaries. Appropriate flirting is different from compulsive flirting. Compulsive flirting is done by people who need constant reinforcement of themselves. They flirt to get attention. It is often done in flagrant regard of the feelings of the other person of someone else.

The way a woman flirts is gentler than the way men generally flirt. There is a difference between flirting, which by definition is subtle, even a bit ambiguous. It teases the other person into waking up to the attention. An outright sexual advance or a provocation is something a woman of the night might do, and has a different intention. That is more of a sales job. But on the other hand, an appropriate flirting allows the other person to follow your lead – or not. It is a playful game of chase, and both sides should enjoy the game.

The intention of appropriate flirting is to give attention. It is done with an open heart, with the purpose of giving the other person recognition, acknowledgement, positive attention. It is not “an act of taking.” Healthy flirting makes both people feel warm and fuzzy. It is not invasive, aggressive, or lewd. On the contrary, if done well, it lifts the other person’s spirits. It will raise their sense of self. It makes them feel attractive and lovable. Everyone deserves this kind of attention. Everyone! Married, single, young, old – even grumpy people deserve to have their day lifted with some well-intentioned flirting.

How To Flirt

I teach my women clients how to flirt effectively. They are amazed at how much positive impact this has on virtually every area of their social interactions. They begin to feel less isolated, less shy. They begin to enjoy their own power to bring more of a sense of connection into their lives. You can flirt with strangers, acquaintances, your own husband or boyfriend. It can bring so much happiness into your world, and the world around you.  

The best flirters are true artists of social interaction. The other day I watched a middle aged man flirt with the check-out woman in the grocery store. I imagine she was a woman who had probably not gotten this kind of attention in a long time. He read her name badge and calling her by name, told her she had a nice smile. “Why don’t you take the rest of the night off!” She laughed like a schoolgirl. And her good mood spread to the next people in line. Happiness, like any other feeling, is contagious. Why not spread “good vibes.”

Working with single women, I find that most do not know how to flirt in the way that I have discussed.  There are for several reasons for this. First they haven’t given themselves permission to do so, and second. they don’t know how. In our world, the gentle art of flirting has gotten lost. It is time to revive it!

The third reason people have trouble flirting is they aren’t paying attention to what their intuition is telling them. They will see a person across the room at a party, and feel “I like that man, he looks interesting.” Then she will do nothing about it.  With love and flirting it really pays to listen to your intuition. It will always lead you correctly. It is the gut sense – the part of you that knows. It is not the “mind chatter” that may immediately follow an “intuitive hit.” “What if he doesn’t like me?  What if he’s married?  Why would he want to talk to me anyway?” You know the stuff. This is not the intuitive voice talking. This is the nagging voice of self-doubt. You must learn to distinguish between these inner voices.

Using your wonderful feminine intuition when you flirt allows you to read the subtle signals from men. People are sending out messages all the time. And they are loud and clear – if you know how to read them!  With practice, you can learn to detect these sometimes subtle, often non-verbal cues that say “come talk to me.” Or the other ones that say “I’m not available.” Women often override this information, and are not even aware of the mixed messages they are sending out to men.

A large part of becoming a Flirt Artiste is learning what messages you are putting out. Is your body language sending subconscious clues to the opposite sex that say “Please, approach” or “Stay away.” You’d be surprised to discover that what you think you are “saying” with your non-verbal cues is the opposite of want to communicate.  

Appropriate Flirting is a great skill because it brings confidence to all social interactions. You can playfully flirt with people in a pleasant way that affirms their goodness, even if you have no intention of being sexual with that person. Flirting is fun. It’s a total delight. It is a great power that can bring appreciation into any interaction with people. And the best news of all – flirting is a learnable skill once you give yourself permission to enjoy it!

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